一位母亲——既是母亲，也是女儿
唉，昨晚我又没睡好，睡前又没忍住看新闻了。盯着手机屏幕，全是疫情的新闻在刷屏……今天约翰逊的文告说要我们「待在家里」！虽然已经这样说了好几个礼拜，但今天他在电视上的语气和动作却是那么的认真，认真得让人害怕。我很担心我的家人，害怕即将到来的一切。我马上打给我妈了……（她）能感到我声音里的恐惧。聊了好一会…我妈提醒我「我们现在都好好的」，她叫我别想太多了。我女儿那晚后来又哭了。我问她「在怕些什么呢？」，她回答我「我不知道啊，妈咪。我不知道我为什么会怕。」我意识到，我要勇敢起来，我要让我俩个孩子都安下心来。再过了会，我好想哭啊，这一切简直都快把我压倒了。我可真是个傻瓜啊，我们现在不都好好的嘛。
大学生活——戛然而止
我和三个室友都道别了，她们分别回巴巴多斯，西班牙，法国了，一天接一天的。我房东超级无敌好人，同意我姐能来和我一起住，竟然还不要求我多交房租。收到这信息，我就差没哭出来。我和朋友视像聊天到一半就停了，因为我们要去看约翰逊的演讲（3月23日）。我们竟然开始封城了，太可怕了。在这之前我就跟我姐说会封城的，但她不信，很不幸我预言成真了！我让她在曼彻斯特赶紧去坐火车（过来）。
我对生活里的一切仿佛都丧失信心了。于是我用手机找朋友聊了会天，她建议我可以画点东西。我便画了这道彩虹，后来我的心情真的好了许多。我还把我最喜欢的名言写到了彩虹下面，这句话陪着我挺过了人生中的许多难关。
清洁工——「我还不想去见阎罗王」
今儿我在社区中心搞卫生，封城后，这儿每个礼拜都有三天作为食物银行……我所有东西都漂白了，门把手、地板，所有东西都消毒了。现在很多上班的都在家上，所以我们早上就出门，直到所有卫生都搞好了。幸好和我一起搞卫生的贝弗利跟着我还有活干，我也尽量多帮着她。她靠我的工资过活，我要不开工，我也没钱。我们在外面抽了根烟，歇了会，我提醒她别离我太近了。「什么，早餐吃豆子，没骗我吧？」我笑了起来。贝弗利真的不怎么把新冠当回事，和我碰到的很多人一样，他们都认为得了就得了呗。
这次，我庆幸自己是个爱操心的人，更何况我还不想下去见阎罗王呢。我们早早地就走了，少点人在，少点麻烦。我小心地跟贝弗利讲，我不能让她搭便车了。上礼拜我让她坐在（我车子的）后排，是有点离谱了，但我老公说这也算靠得太近了。贝弗利耸了耸肩，说没事。她儿子两年前意外死了，现在生活里有什么苦，她都能啃下去。我很心酸，她生活得本来就很烂了，现在还得走三公里多才到家。
原文：
I didn’t sleep well last night, didn’t help I watched the news before going to sleep. Then looked at my phone and full of corona news … Today was the big announcement from Boris (Friday, March 20) ‘to stay in’! Even though he had been saying this all week, the tone and manner of the broadcast was so scary and serious. I felt scared for my family and it just made me fearful of what is to come. I rang my mum straight away … [she] could hear my fear. After a good chat … my mum … remind[ed] me ‘we are all well at this moment’ and to focus on that. My daughter cried later that evening. I said, ‘what are you scared of’ to which she replied, ‘I’m not sure mummy, I don’t know what I am scared of.’ Which made me realise that I need to be brave and make sure that both kids are reassured. Later that evening, I felt tearful and just feeling overwhelmed by the whole situation. How stupid too, because we are all safe.
I’d just lost all three of my housemates, who’d returned to Barbados, Spain and France – literally one day after each other. My landlord really kindly agreed that my sister could stay with me – and she won’t even charge any rent. I almost cried when I got that message. I was having a facetime with my friend, where we paused to watch Boris Johnson’s speech (March 23). It was so scary because we were effectively in lockdown. I had told my sister that I thought it was about to happen earlier in the day, she didn’t believe me – and then unfortunately it came true! I told her to jump on the train from Manchester.
I feel deflated from everything. I chatted to a friend over Messenger and she suggested I paint something. I painted this rainbow and felt so much better at the end. I added in my favourite quote that gets [me] through any hard times and stuck it on the window.
Today I am cleaning the community centre, which since the lockdown, is running as a food bank three days a week … I bleach everything, door handles, floors, everything. Most staff work from home at the moment so we are going in the morning until all this is over. I’m glad I’m still in business for Beverly, who works with me, as much as anything. I’m her only income, but if I don’t work, I don’t get paid. We have a cigarette break outside and I remind Beverly to stay apart. ‘What, beans for brekkie, was it?’ I laugh. Beverly really doesn’t care about COVID – like many others I meet, who believe if they get it, they get it.
For once I’m glad I’m a worrier, plus I’m not ready to die yet. We are out of there early as no staff equals less mess. I break it to Beverly that I can’t give her a lift home for now. Last week I made her sit in the back [of the car] which felt faintly ridiculous, but John advised even that’s too close. Beverly shrugs and says that’s fine. Her son died unexpectedly two years ago and now she accepts hardship with ease. I feel bad as her life really is crap and now she has to walk two miles home.
Comments